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some stuff that came around this summer...

pre indy

Its after midnight

its after midnight
the sun has gone down
all you hear outside
are the night sounds

its after midnight
time to let it down
time to push my head
right out and let my heart
take control

its after midnight
things have changed
the way we look in the daylight
it doesnt mean a thang
oh its after midnight.

du du du dooo
do you know how it feels
when the lights go out
do u know what i think
when its you all im all about
behind a hidden door
no one can know anymore

u hide
i hid
we cant let this win
so i push
u pull
this is all a bunch a bull
when will
we see
which way its gonna be

cause if i dont run
you dont chase
if i chase you run
i cant win
i cant hide
i cant stop
its just me and u

Its after midnight
were behind closed doors
we hit the bed
pretend to sleep
but soon our lips meet

just friends
just friends
just friends

its after midnight
lifes just effervecent
eternal sunshine of spotless mind
i cant hide what inside
cant erase that shameless past
cant know when things will stop
erase, its not possible
forget, even harder

so i let it live
i try to let it die
i scream inside
i hide
i hide

behind close doors
his feelings soar
outside he hides
he hides
he hides

but right now its after midnight
time to let it soar
but tommorrow
ill regret the night before.


everyday of my life
i cant help but wonder why
im leaving you
and im leaving the past behind

i cant see anymore
life is such a bore
without you my life far worse

yet i need to move on
i can no longer hold on
to things that just shouldnt be

cause two wrongs dont make a right
and im sending you my life
without you, by my side.
You cant make something fit
if just wont stick

So i live out my life
I forget all the strife
between us
And i deal day to day
no life is meant this way
that better will come
so i ponder and i lay
as i wait for the day
i get the chance to say

life with out you is so good
and i knew somehow it would be
better off this way
less things are insane
and Im happy and i know you are too.

For the rest of my life
if i never get things right
at least i know i made
the right choice
when it came to you and me
without you life is sweet

While in Indy


Its like 5683love and he looked at me.
I just dont know exactly what i see.
Cause I cant help but to be obscene.
Its all i know inside me.
When thing beigin I want to scream.
I'm way to vulnerable and scared
so dont take me to seriously.
Dont neglect me
If you do I will hide and escape inside.
It doesnt take me long to run.
But im trying to just be Alive........

It like 5683 love
not as easy as 123
A little more complicated
A little more indepth
You have to look pass the surface
to see the meaning.
Yet I just try to be me.
I never thought these words could
be a song.
Until you came and helped them along.

Now your pulling at me.
Seeming more complicated than I ever was.
Its like 5683 love
you just have to see past the insecurities
I've been hurt
I've been used
I've even been physically abused.

Its hard so I dont deal.
Lifes not easy
Erase the last 3 days
Start again.
It just seems wrong ending something
that never really began.
I live my life in song.
Songs to me linger for so long.
As do words
Open your eyes
dont let life and opportunity
pass you by.

Its as easy as 5683 love to see me.
not as easy as 123
a little more complicated
a little more indepth
you just have to see past the insecurities
its like 5683love
ive been hurt
Ive been used
Ive even been physically abused
Its as easy as 5683 love.
to see me.

Peace out later Im Done ,/u>

Cause he breaks me in and out
I cant feel my heart beating to the sound
I feel dumped
im out of control
I feel so incredibly alone.
So i night
I sit and cry
When is anything gonna come out right.
I make time.
Nothings easy
I loose it,
and IM feeling sleezy
knocked down used by u.
Cant help but to feel mislead
im such a tool.
My guards up
im not letting down..
Your the first one in a while thats come around
who I though might be worth
taking a chance.
But now I see im wrong
things wont last.
Dont know whats the truth....
dumb excuses
all i know for sure is I cant trust you.
Everyday its something else.
Peace out

Is what its all about.
I dont need someone to validate me
All I need is someone who true to me.
So if you cant fit in with that.
If you cant respect
than I dont want that.
How am I suppose to believe you
when everyday its something else.
Today its this, yesterday it was that.
Man I need a cigarette.
I dont like that you already make me cry.
I guess its not just u,
it everything all rolled up in one.
You just make everything come out at once.

You seemed like you could be
my refugee
my peace of mind for the time being
but things didnt work out that easy
back to square one
thats it im done
it not 5683love
that im thinking its as easy 123
to say peace out
good bye
Now I feel better.


Do u believe that the smallest life change
can affect everything that comes.
Like if you would have changed one thing
one choice.
Even if it was as small as doing something
that you bailed out on.
Do you ever wonder if you had made that choice...
if things would be different.

Do you ever wonder
or think about what was that one point
in your life that led you to the place you are.

I do all the time.
I wonder what would happened what could have
changed had things been different.
Had I never worked at McDonalds and broke my leg.
Who would I have become.
Would I be a totally different person.

If I hadnt taken that job when I was fifteen.
I never would have broke my knee.
If I never would have broke my knee, I would
never of have had a million surgeries.
I never would have been bed ridden for so long.
I never would have gotten RSD.
I wouldtn have to live knowing one day it could come back.

It never fully goes away..any given day i could awake n its back.
It scares me.
But I forget so often.
In fact im not even thankful enough for the fact that I can walk.
I should run and climb mountains and walk everyday
because I CAN.
I almost wasnt going to be able to.
I guess this whole thing ive been thinking about lately
is useless and pointless.
But I just cant help it sometimes.

If I had never decided to work at McDonalds
it never would have happened.
Or if someone had actually cleaned the floors the night before.
Than again...if it never happened
I might not be who I am.
I like who I am on the inside.
I know I can be rediculous.
Overly dramatic at times.
And I take things hard.
But I am who I am.
I love hard
I care big.
Im thoughtful
I take action.

If I hadnt gotten hurt
if i kept working out back than
because I was in the processes of dramatic weightloss
than...if I continued with a somewhat normal life.
Who knows who I would have become.
Maybe I would have came out better.
Maybe I would never of had the relationships I have.
I know there is no point in dwelling.
On such things.
But sometimes I just wish you could flip a switch
and just see what might have been.

ill post more later



mirror image
promise of a greater hope

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