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Wow

I honestly can't remember the last time I wrote in this thing. I know its been a long time. My life has kind of changed a lot. Somewhere along the lines my life became consumed with work and intern music again. I can't complain about that.

I know I have written well at least posted a song about the guy that came by this weekend. His name was Ryan, he is who 5683love is written about. Also Peace out Later, I'm Done.

My roommate is my best friend Veronica. Its kind of weird what happens when you move in with your best friend. You get closer and distant all at once its odd.

Anyway she had been seeing this guy. He and her had talked a few times over the last few years. When I say a few I genuinely mean they saw each other a few times (3) in the last three years. He liked her, she didn't like him, it was complicated.

After being alone for so long and coming to Indy she started to feel lonely he came around and she decided to give him a chance. In the end it didn't work out. She slept with him and she let herself get disappointed.

I gave her a whole spiel about how she shouldn't have done it. That he obviously wanted one thing. How she jeopardized her belief for something stupid.

So when Ryan came calling this weekend, I almost didn't want to tell her. I didn't want to hear any kind of speech from her about anything. The truth is Ryan is someone who over the last four years I periodically fall back into.

So for me to sleep with him again or talk to him again really is a poor decision. I know that. He is in my phone as loser. There is a reason for that, yet for some reason after six months of not talking...he entered my mind recently.

Apparently I entered his as well....because he tracked down my phone number and called. I didn't call him. I was taken back but what it boiled down to was sex.
Its been a while...the last time I did was with him. That was almost a year a go.
Sure there is this guy that recently things happened between us but I don't know where thats going and it doesn't really seem likely that it is going anywhere.

I would be lying if there was some big I wanna be with you speech like in the past. Some big discussion about all the things we have been through....maybe a small one but I left it as it was the past. I just had this need to see him just to see. I don't know what I wanted to see.

Mostly I just wanted to know that if I wanted to I could have him I guess. Honestly it was just so business so hi lets have sex and then it was done. We talked for a while he told me some things...I kind of listened. It didn't change anything. I don't even feel the need to talk to him today.

He hasn't texted me either.
I don't plan on texting him.

It was what it was. Simple as that SEX.

Is there really anything wrong with that?

My roommate told me that I disrespected myself....that it was the same thing she had just gone through.

I told her it wasn't because I wasn't emotionally involved it was simple...it was SEX.

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starrynyte
promise of a greater hope

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